BIRD: Thinking of buying a goat to cut the grass.
BUFFALO: Great idea. Get the right one and you could get yer milk for free.
BIRD: Or we could just rip it up and cover it with gravel.
BUFFALO: In an English country garden? No way, Birdman.
BIRD: Good point, Buffters. Any Hooey, this 8 Me-Me thingie...
BIRD: Got some great e-mails. Today it's Rodders from Plymouth. Get ready to soil yerself, dude. This guy is one serious jerk-berk.
Rodders here. You're so funny. Here are eight things about me I have never told anyone. Hope it helps.
1. I'm afraid of lemons. Whenever I see one, I have to cross the road.
2. My mother has a Willy Wonka, but my dad says it's OK, it's hormonal. But I wish she'd shave her beard off!
3. My first love was my maths teacher, Miss Scruncher. I saw her panties once when she bent over whilst sharpening her pencil. God bless Marks & Spencers.
4. I read very slowly - about ten words a minute - but I'm not thick and I like reading a lot. Well, OK, I prefer comics, really, and violent computer games. Is that so strange?
5. I like to climb on people's roofs and wee down their chimneys. So far I haven't been caught.
6. I walk backwards with my head down if I see someone I don't like. I must stop doing this, because people keep tripping me up and stamping on my nose, which is flat enough already, and because I'm walking backwards I don't get a good enough look at their face, so the police think I'm really silly.
7. I eat my Corn Flakes without milk but put milk in my tea. Wacky, eh?
8. I sleep with the light on in case the government needs me for some top secret mission in the early hours of the morning.
Oh, and eight and a half - my left foot is bigger than my right foot and is much harder to wash.
Your blog is the bestest thing on the internet. Even mummy thinks so.
BUFFALO: Omigod! I... (falls into giggling fit)
BIRD: Cheers, Rodders. Keep 'em coming. Buff?
BUFFALO: (parps profusely)
BIRD: Film at eleven.