In orange peel
An unwanted guest
Trod on the nest
SEVEN NEW YEAR'S RETRIBUTIONS
1 Get laid.
2 Get laid some more.
3 Get laid even more.
4 Get laid till my Freddy falls off.
5 Get Freddy sewn back on and get laid again.
6 Make something of my life.
7 Screw it, just get laid till my head explodes.
Film at eleven.
PLUS!!!! DIALOGUE WITHOUT PURPOSE
BUFF: What you said just then, dude, that was disgusting. I could never do that to another human being.
BIRD: But you did, many times, which is what is really disgusting.
BUFF: Nowt so disgusting as folk, Birdy. What's the most disgusting thing you've ever done then, huh?
BIRD: Still doing it. It's called living a lie.
BUFF: That's not even mildly disgusting. Life by definition is a lie. A big fat, blobby one with two massive horns ready to gore you to pisswillydom. I've been gored so many times, there's no flesh on these here bones. The sight of moi in the mirror, now that's disgusting. But things are looking up, dude. 2012 is our year, so get ready, cos it's gonna be one helluva ride. Hollywoody beckons, then London, Amsterdam, Finnishland. Fasten your seatbelts, o feathered one, you and me are off! Woo-hoo!!!!
BIRD: Nothing's happening.
BUFF: Gotta go. They're breathing down my neck and it's not fragrant. Ta-ra, dude.
BIRD: I'm trapped, dude. And it's not even my own mind. Maybe if I hold my breath for a little longer...