DOTTY: I want to talk to the auld perv.
SPARKY: Gee, hey, sorry, man, Buff ain't in.
DOTTY: And you are?
SPARKY: Sparky, man. Who are you?
DOTTY: Dotty. A friend of the Birdman.
SPARKY: Cool. I knew a Dotty back in 'Nam. Heavy shit, man. We woz makin' the pretty colors, rockets and shit kaboomin' all over the horrorshow and I looked down and holy shitfire, Dotty had a Freddy! I got my sorry ass out of that hut quicker than a Roadrunner with a bow anchor rammed up his ass, man. Never saw her or her Freddy again. The horror...
DOTTY: That's not funny! You ffffffff******* ffffff******!
SPARKY: Got out of that fuggin' boat once too often, now I don't know where my Freddy's at, man.
DOTTY: What the fffff***** are you talking about?
BIRD: And in still further developments, a man fitting the description of a large randy auld Buffalo was spotted down by Lake Michigan early this morning just as the sun was rising disposing of a rather cheap and whiffy punctured inflatable doll affectionately known as Gloria Holes. In a ceremony that lasted a tad over five seconds, he gave the rubber goddess her last rites then sang "The blue bus is calling us..." The police decided not to intervene in what was clearly, as Officer Crowley declared, "some hippy pow-wow, jeez, this shit is good, where can I score some, you're really beautiful, I like your style, dude, let's get drunk and chuck up on the lake cos that's the way I like it, a-ha, a-ha, if we could see then what would the answer be boolshit".
FIFI: Film at eleven.