BUFFALO: Sparky's up for his morning ablutions. Ah, tinkle time. Bearing down on the own peanut as we speak. He's like Maxwell House coffee; good to the last drop. He's been going to work early and coming back late, soppin' up that OT.
BIRD: Wot happened to the grenade, like?
BUFFALO: Oh, that. Had to throw it out the window, dude. Blew up old man Shaker's brand-new pickup truck. I believe a crack addict on the second floor is being removed from the building today as punishment for his drug-fuelled revelry, the berk.
BIRD: Well, that's OK, then. And Sparky?
BUFFALO: On the lookout for the Charlie as we speak. Hey, dude, while I regret, I did it, I recorded a bout with my head doc, Jennette. Chew on this, Birdman.
BIRD: I'm all ears.
JENNETTE: Well, you're looking chipper this morning, Buffy.
BUFFALO: Funny you say so, I was thinking about a chipper this morning... a wood chipper.
JENNETTE: Good lord, you're not thinking about harming yourself, are you?
BUFFALO: No, not much. I was thinking about sticking my head in it, getting it over with.
JENNETTE: Ah, you've having me on again, aren't you?
BUFFALO: (sighs) I've never had you on, not that I haven't dreamed about it often enough.
JENNETTE: Let's keep it strictly professional, shall we?
BUFFALO: That's easy for you to say, sitting there with those incredible legs, and all.
JENNETTE: Would you prefer that I stopped wearing skirts when you come?
BUFFALO: I was only breathing hard, and if you stop wearing skirts, I won't come at all.
JENNETTE: My God, you're incorrigible.
BUFFALO: I beg your pardon. I may be a tad overweight, but I'm hardly a dirigible.
JENNETTE: All right, enough foreplay already. What shall we talk about today?
BUFFALO: The usual. Why am I so fookin' crazy?
JENNETTE: (sighs) You know I prefer it if you don't use clinical terms.
BUFFALO: Sorry. Why am I nuts?
JENNETTE: I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What about your nuts?
BUFFALO: You're DRIVING me nuts.
JENNETTE: How so?
BUFFALO: You're like a cross between Jenny Agutter and Annette Benning, in their primes. It's enough to drive any straight loonatic mad.
JENNETTE: What's come over you lately? You used to be so shy and unassuming.
BUFFALO: I think I'm in love with you.
JENNETTE: Ah, I see. Trust me, you're not in love with me... this is what we call "transference."
BUFFALO: God, I hate it when you get clinical on me.
JENNETTE: Sorry. . . let me put it this way... (sound of pantyhose rustling)
JENNETTE: What's wrong?
BUFFALO: Nothing. Just burned out a few hundred more synapses is all, but no matter.
JENNETTE: No matter?
BUFFALO: No gray matter... it's almost all gone now, after seeing you for two years. You're so fookin' beautiful you've melted my brains.
JENNETTE: That's the nicest obscene compliment I've had in a long time. Unfortunately, if it's true I won't be able to see you anymore.
BUFFALO: Come on, don't be stoopid, I was lying through my teeth. You're not my type at all.
JENNETTE: Why? What's wrong with me?
BUFFALO: You're married... and worse, you're not allowed to get it on with patients.
JENNETTE: Omigod, you really ARE in love with me, aren't you?
BUFFALO: Heavens, no... it's merely transference.
JENNETTE: Well, that's a relief. I think you're finally starting to make some progress. What's wrong? Why are you squinting like that?
BUFFALO: It's the sunlight reflecting off the juncture of your pantyhose. It's blinding me. Mind if I close the shades?
JENNETTE: Or I could pull my skirt down a bit, instead.
BUFFALO: God, no. Don't move, I'll get the shades.
TO BE CONTINUED...
DOTTY: That's not funny! You ****** ******!
BIRD & BUFFALO: Shut it!!
BIRD: Film at eleven.
BUFFALO: Arf, arf!