BIRD: Birdy here. Barely alive but here. It all started on Thursday...
Omigod. I can't stand up. Streaming nose. Throbbing head. Somebody give me my Benadryl.
Fook this! Streaming nose. Throbbing head. Aching back. Nausea! Still, I'll be OK tomorrow.
Totally fooked. Throbbing nose. Throbbing head. Throbbing back. Throbbing throat. Nausea! Ate enough to feed a mouse. Gawd, I wish I were dead.
Better. Much better. No throbbing nose. No throbbing head. Back still hurts. Throat OK. Don't feel sick! Went downstairs to discover the corridor and kitchen infested with ants. Several thousand of them were trying to carry off my last bottle of Benadryl. Afraid to say I lost my temper somewhat and squashed and splattered the blighters. Damn shame. Am now pouring myself some coffee and spreading some Sparky's Toe Jam on toast to steady my nerves. It's all been frightfully upsetting. Cheerio for now.
Lesser known fact #1: If you run "omigod" through the spell checker, it comes up with "homicide". Now wot's that all about?