Friday, November 10, 2006
BUY THIS BOOK... OR THE PUPPY'S OWNER GETS IT
BUFFALO: Dude, the Hudster has beat me to the punch!!
BIRD: The geezer in the photo, ya mean?
BUFFALO: Dat’s right, Lucy. Christopher “Rock” Hudson.
BIRD: Looks a bit like Harrison Ford. Bet the gals fall at his feet.
BUFFALO: Put it this way, his woody’s seen plenty of action. But Henny Way…
BIRD: So your long time partner in grime has cornered the grog, eh?
BUFFALO: No, dude, get surreal, the mutt’s nuts has gone and got his first book published, the darty swine!
BIRD: You're having me on, right?
BUFFALO: Scout's honor, Birdy, he's fookin' done it, he's busted his literary cherry! His first novel is out there on the Amazon, dude, big as life, bold as brass, and reasonably priced, too.
BIRD: Uh, huh... and what is the title of this alleged coup?
BUFFALO: Jeez. Don’t you pay no attention to our flog blog? "Northern Cross"!
BIRD: A religious treatise, is it?
BUFFALO: Good lord, get the fook off of the Motown potty, dude, it's an action-packed adventure yarn, with sexy twin-engine airplanes, greasy drug dealers, smokin' hot babes and mind-boggling descriptions of the Michigan and Canadian wilderness. It's Elmore Leonard on high octane, Birdo!
BIRD: So it's good, then?
BUFFALO: Good? It's fookin' BRILLIANT! They'll probably sign Brad Pitt for the movie. We're doing the screenplay now, like.
BIRD: And you swear on the old maternal nips this is not another peyote-induced hallucination or yet another aftermath of sleep-deprivation psychosis?
BUFFALO: Nips ahoy, Birdo! Stack of Braille Bibles! Honest Injun!
BIRD: I presume there's a sausage link to the Amazon, like... if this is on the level?
BUFFALO: Ab-so-fookin-lute-lee, my avian amigo.
BIRD: So, give already, you procrastinating Belgian skirt sniffer.
BIRD: Clicking on that... well, I'll be dipped in peanut honey on the muff. You were truthing, like.
BUFFALO: Sigh... why does NO one take me surrealously?
BIRD: Do I get an autographed copy?
BUFFALO: In your Christmas stocking, if not sooner, Birdo.
BIRD: Bloody amazing. So, does this give us some "cache"?
BUFFALO: Guilt by association, you mean? Yeah, I suppose so... couldn't hurt, I guess.
BIRD: Well, Mazeltov, dude! Have you two pirates uncorked some of the bubbly yet?
BUFFALO: Not yet, but a bottle or three of the old Nectar Imperial is definitely on the agenda.
BIRD: In moderation, Buffo. Remember what happened to Granny and the boy in Wal-Mart.
BUFFALO: Right. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
BIRD: God help us. Mugshots at eleven.
BUFFALO: And shots of tequila in mugs! So remember, buy this or the puppy’s owner gets it! Arf, arf!
Posted by birdandbuffalo at 3:22 AM