BORAT THE MOVIE - A SURVIVOR'S ACCOUNT

PARENTAL ADVISORY: FOR GROWN-UPS ONLY. EVEN WITH THE BLEEPS, THIS PIECE IS CLASSIFIED BY THE CIA AS RIVETING/COMPULSIVE. NOT, HOWEVER, RECOMMENDED FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM SHY BLADDER SYNDROME OR BASHFUL BOWEL SYNDROME. FOR THE FULL ACCOUNT OF WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT, LOOK OUT FOR THE JANUARY ISSUE OF PROFANITY FAIR

CONTACT THE TRAUMATIZED BY THE SCENE IN BORAT WITH THE MASSIVE BUTT HELPLINE ON 000 000 000 000 001 NOW. ALL CALLS WILL BE TREATED IN STRICT CONFIDENCE BUT ALL CALLS WILL BE CHARGED.

BORAT LOVES SEX. WE SUPPORT BORAT!

BIRD: Borat the movie was hilarious. Kept going that little bit further than other films would have. Extreme, grotesque, touching, biting satire. A true work of genius. Oh hum. I especially loved the scene in which Borat BLEEP-BLEEPS his own mother in her flabby, flaccid BLEEP with a rubber BLEEP on a stick, then gives the BLEEP-covered BLEEP-stick to his retarded brother and tells him it's a chocolate-covered bunny, then rolls on the ground laughing while his brother licks the BLEEP off the BLEEP, soiling himself in the process. Unfortunately this scene caused several dozen people to BLEEP all over the heads of the persons sitting in front of them, so that by the end of the film the entire floor of the cinema was covered with BLEEP and BLEEP. As soon as the house lights came up, the entire audience began BLEEP BLEEPING, and soon we were up to our ankles in BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, and half-melted toffee. Then terrorists rushed in shouting "BLEEP BLEEP!" and tossed buckets of kerosene all over everything and set it all on fire, burning everyone to death amid the stink of hot, smouldering BLEEP, BLEEP, boiling BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP fluids, and scalded breast milk. The stench was unbelievable, the worst of it being the BLEEP, burnt BLEEP that a herd of inbred halfwits from East Fenwick had smuggled into the cinema concealed inside wedding sacks soaked in wolverine BLEEP. I was the only survivor, and I am sitting here absolutely covered in smoking BLEEP and baked BLEEP, with BLEEP running down my trouser legs into the smouldering ruins of my shoes. There is no doubt in my mind that those BLEEP baiters are responsible for this. In spite of all the BLEEP, I urge you to see this film.