BUFFALO: "It is finished," he said, nailed to the cross ties, bleeding all over the carpet.
BIRD: Dude, you’re back.
BUFFALO: Managed to get two hours of sleep... argh. Off to the debacle, after steam cleaning der melon. I tell ya, learning new software sucks donkey balls!
BIRD: Got the video horrorshow ready then?
BUFFALO: Huh? Dude, the horrorshow’s been and gone.
BIRD: C’est vrai?
BUFFALO: Last nite.
BUFFALO: Dude, they fookin' loved it. They laffed, they cried, they clapped their hands and danced in the fookin' aisles. For once, showered with praise instead of being covered all in shit. It was good... no, it was better than good, it was great - no, it was better than that - it was Kean!
BIRD: Wow. Hi fivers!
BUFFALO: Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy?!
BIRD: Any chance of a copy of the DVD?
BUFFALO: Naturlich, mein Heir! Gawd, I feel so good. Must be some Finn in the air. Lemme at the next project.
BIRD: But dude, you haven’t got a name for your vampire flik yet.
BUFFALO: True. OK, we’ve got five minutes afore I go. Star-crossed lovers Vlad Dracula and sorceress Lucrezia Borgia, reunited after 500 years, rekindle their romance in a Manhattan courtroom as opposing attorneys in a billion dollar lawsuit in which immortality itself is at stake. Gotta have a romantic angle. Brainstorm!
BIRD: Courting Lucrezia?
BUFFALO: Not bad, lad. Bloodsuit?
BIRD: That was the original title.
BUFFALO: Busted. OK. Corking Lucrezia?
BIRD: Funny, but inappropriate. Love Sucks?
BUFFALO: Like it, but maybe a winkle’s length obscure.
BIRD: A Stake In Time? Dracula’s Rib?
BUFFALO: Both good but not exactly romantic, like.
BIRD: Hey, got it, got it. How’s about Love Sucks & Then You Die. Again?
BUFFALO: Oh, dude, now dat’s simperly sumptuous! Or Suck On This, Love… even?
BIRD: Keep it clean, dude. We’re talking Dollywood.
BUFFALO: The Vampire, His Stake, Her Heart & Her Lover?
BIRD: Too long.
BUFFALO: Bleeding Hearts?
BIRD: Wow. A definite contender.
BUFFALO: Love Blooders?
BIRD: Crikey! This is really hotting up! Got it! Be Still My Bleeding Heart?
BUFFALO: It says nothing about lawsuits or vampires, berky.
BIRD: Be Still My Bleeding Gavel?
BUFFALO: Getting cold, dude.
BIRD: Feeling Vlad All Over?
BUFFALO: That’ll be for the porno spinoff. Right, time’s up! Whadda we got?
BIRD: We got the lot!
BUFFALO: You know, dude. I think I’ll just call it Vlad & Lucrezia.
BIRD: Yeah, that’ll be original innit!
BUFFALO: Gotta run. Me dawg’s - peeing on the roses and the ex is threatening to put de old boy dahhhhn.
BIRD: Blimey. Laters. Fangs at eleven?
BUFFALO: Arf, arf!