Tuesday, January 30, 2007

THE RETURN OF THE ERRANT MERMAID

BUFFALO: Snap out of it, dude. We could both be dead by tomorra.

BIRD: Don't wanna play no more, Buff. Had enuff.

BUFFALO: Jeez. This ain't no carousel. You can't just get off when ya feel like it.

BIRD: Don't wanna play. Nuff.

BUFFALO: Dude, Bubbers is coming to live with us.

BIRD: Bubbers, eh? Oh.

BUFFALO: Is that all you can say?! " Oh!" Listen up, Birdman, we WILL get the recognition and glory we deserve. NO question.

BIRD: Don't wanna play no more. It's enuff.

BUFFALO: Wot the Freddy! I give up.

FIFI: Let me talk to him.

BUFFALO: Fifi! You're back!

FIFI: I never went away. I'm still here on the Cod, your errant mermaid.

BUFFALO: Gawd, am I pleased to see you. Birdy here's throwing a wobbly. Sort him out, will ya? He's drivin' me nutso.

FIFI: Birdy! Now, I'm sorry if I missed your original conception but that's no way to behave in front of a lady. I have always turned to the Blog for succor, intelligence, and laffs. Don't add another wrinkle to my brow. Now get to it. You wouldn't want to see me cry, would you?

BIRD: Of course not.

FIFI: Or gird my loins?

BIRD: Absolutely not.

FIFI: Then snap out of it, my little tweetie pie, the Blog Needs You!

BUFFALO: She's right, you know.

BIRD: Oh, OK. I'll try. Gimme a minute, would you? Gotta get me gulliver under the shower. Had a terrible dream last night. Some lunatic with a gun was holding me and some kid hostage in my own house... I think the kid represented my childhood. Anyway, I made my way slowly to the closet and...

(BUFFALO & FIFI FALL INTO PLEASANT SLEEP)

SOME TIME LATER...

BIRD: So, anyhoo, that was when I realised that I still had that pair of socks from all those years ago but I'd just never worn them and that face in the mirror, that was my Uncle Fred, who I hadn't seen since Bella died, so that got me thinking... Buff, Fifi... are you still there?

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