Monday, June 26, 2006

OPEN WIDE, DUDE

BIRD: Wassup, Buff? You seem a bit pissed off.

BUFFALO: I’ve got people hitting me for spare change in my own apartment building!

BIRD: Bummer. Too affable. That’s your trouble. Try scowling.

BUFFALO: I reckon the guy’s a crack head. It would explain why he is often heard bellowing like a wounded rhinoceros for no particular reason. I've decided to invest in a "NO SOLICITING" sign for my door.

BIRD: Or "NO SOLICITING. HOT MINXES WITH BIG APPETITES WELCOME. BUFFALO SERVICE GUARANTEED.”

BUFFALO: Yeah, right... followed by EVICTION NOTICE stapled to the door.

BIRD: A great way to go, though.

BUFFALO: I can think of a better way to go. Selling one of my screenplays or novels, or winning the Lottery, paying off the lease and handing Sparky the keys, saying "Hasta la vista, baby. Have a nice life." Then moving into a luxury condo on the lake, with a live-in housekeeper/cook. I tell ya, if that crack head shows up again, I'm greeting him with, "Come on in, dude. This here’s mah shotgun. Open your mouth, let’s see if it fits.”

BIRD: That oughtta do it.

BUFFALO: Reckon so. And if that doesn’t get him the Jehovah’s Witnesses sure will.

BIRD: What a terrible way to go.

BUFFALO: Arf, arf!

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