Yes, it's true, my freedom loving, tub thumping, freestyle humping chums! The People's Democratic Republic of Pubistan has just passed a law to ban making the picking of one's nose in public places an offence as of June 1st 2007. This inhuman, highly provocative and ultimately self-implosive act will prevent anyone over the age of two years of age with or without a runny nose from dealing appropriately with the offending snotpiece. It will also mean, since all vehicles and barns, sheds, garages, greenhouses and outside toilets have been designated as public areas, that any citizen caught in the aforementioned structures partaking of a bit of picky wicky of the honourable bogey will be liable to the maximum punishments under the law, which are as follows:
For the first offence: the nose shall be knitted together by needle and thread for a period of no more than ten years, and no less than nine years, eleven months and 30 days.
For the second offence: one or both nostrils shall be removed with the use of malnourished wild hogs specially bred for the procedure.
For the third offence: the nose shall be removed altogether with the use of the Pubistan all-in-one snothole slicer (patent pending).
For the fourth offence: the offender shall be cast out of his/her community, have heavy shackles attached to his/her legs and at the count of three be thrown into the Black Lagoon at midnight on the first day of the month and left to rot for ten calendar days.
For the fifth offence: the perpetrator will be unceremoniously fed to the rabbits of State Farm Number 16 and his/her entrails made into bargain rabbit burgers for the international market.
Stop the snot haters now! Write to your local MP, Member of the House of Representatives and Senate, the Mayor, the butcher, the baker, the chemist, the dressmaker, the stall holder, the handyman, the beach babe, the inventor of the iPod or digg or Joost or YouTube, or Technorati even and ROLL A BOGEY TODAY ON INTERNATIONAL PICK YOUR SNOT WITH PRIDE DAY ON JUNE 1st 2007 in solidarity with our brothers and sisters in Pubistan whose nasal passages and quiet moments of contemplation in front of family, friends and selected pets will be ruined forever if we do not act NOW!
TO PLEDGE YOUR FULL SUPPORT FOR SAFEGUARDING THE EXTRACTION OF MUCUS IN PUBISTAN & THROUGHOUT THE WORLD - JEEZ THEY'LL BE BANNING SMOKING & CREAM CAKES WITH CHERRIES ON TOP NEXT!!! - PLEASE EMAIL keeppickingsnotfree@SNOT4ALL.com
Thank you, good night and may your nostrils go with you.