COUNTDOWN TO GLOBAL ORGASM:
14 days, 20 hours, 1 minute.
BIRD: Just been to the doc’s for a checkup, like.
BUFFALO: Better to be safe than sorry, dude. And?
BIRD: AOK, Buffters. Though there was a definite ping in the prostate.
BUFFALO: Tee-hee. Run Podcast.
BIRD: How’s the practising for the shagathon for peace, pliz, going?
BUFFALO: Like a dream. Stronger for longer, for when more is MUCH more.
BIRD: That’s my Buff! And Sparkers?
BUFFALO: Ah, well, he’s having trouble breaking away from Otto Fellatio, like. And he will insist on having low blood sugar incidents.
BIRD: Xplain, pliz, Lucy.
BUFFALO: Last night, the poor diabetic idjit was flopping about in his bedroom like a salmon out of water, and was totally fookin' bananas, laffing his head off, refusing to drink orange juice, spitting it out all over himself. To persuade him to drink OJ I had to tell him that Fifi was waiting in the living room to see him, see-through negligee in tow. Pitiful. I thought about wearing a blonde wig and high heels to imitate her but... Sparky would do ANYTHING for Fifi, the filthy auld perv. I told him if he dies, he still has to pay his share of the rent.
BIRD: Sounds reasonable. Think he’ll make it to the shagathon?
BUFFALO: Sure, if I can plunder a shop window blonde dummy first. Now what’s this about Britney?
BIRD: Been flashing her bushless bush again, Buff.
BUFFALO: Mon dieu! Has that tartlet no shame?
BIRD: Nope. And something VERY ODD has happened to her titties of late.
BUFFALO: Been playing with the Silly Cones again, huh?
BIRD: That’s about the short and curly of it.
BUFFALO: And the digitape?
BIRD: Of me doing my Santa in drag stint at East Fenwick Shopping Emporium.
BUFFALO: On YouTube?
BIRD: Shortly, Rodney. Gotta admit, that silk felt REAL good against my skin, but the suspenders were killing me.
BUFFALO: Tell me you didn’t wear the black bra with the nipple cut-outs this year.
BIRD: It’s in the contract, dude. Get an extra tenner an hour for it.
BUFFALO: Hope they didn’t get tweaked this time.
BIRD: Only by the missus, like, after a bottle and a half of bubbly. It’s agony on the knees, though.
BIRD: East Fenwick has some rather fleshy mature femmes, if you get mah collateral, and they ALL insist on sitting on my lap whilst they tell me what they want for Christmas. And as for the 16-stone builders…
BUFFALO: Commiserations, Birdman. It’s tough out there on the perimeter.
BIRD: Better go. Ailing pussies and all.
BIRD: Film at eleven.
BUFFALO: Arf, arf!