BUFFALO: You OK dere, Birdy?
BIRD: Nah. Can't sleep.
BIRD: Had this dream.
BUFFALO: Oh, yeah. Bout wot?
BIRD: Phil Ossifee. Me and Wittgenstein were shooting da breeze, like.
BUFFALO: Jeez. Metafarcical, like. Go on.
BIRD: Well, Lud was saying that philosophical problems are not solved through finished experiments, and facts are not things, but are still useful.
BUFFALO: Fook! You lost me past the ice cream parlor there, Binky.
BIRD: So I said what about the directives? We point out directives then withdraw dissatisfied due to words and pieces of failures being similar.
BUFFALO: Dude, wot the fook are you talking about?
BIRD: Patience, o bovine one, I'm getting to the punch line. So Lud said "The meaning of a word is to be defined by the rules for its use, not by the feeling that attaches to the word."
BUFFALO: O Jeez!
BIRD: So that got me thinking. What support does that word have? Moreover, what rights does that word have? Does that word have a say in being used? Are we not all the oppressors and abusers of words? Should we not now liberate all words and forfeit language as our punishment?
BUFFALO: Dude, I'm contacting the NHS of Great Britain for an ambulance. What did I tell you about sniffing your own follicle jam, huh?
BIRD: Lud goes on about grammar. Bugger grammar. The issue of lexicological empowerment and liberation is THE fundamental question. Well, Lud took this badly, natch. He's never had anyone answer him back, especially in a dream. So do you know what he did?
BUFFALO: Nope. Like I give a flying tranny. But enlighten us, Einstein.
BIRD: He said p = denial then took a gun and shot his brains out. You know that means?
BUFFALO: That Wittgenstein was talking out of his ass?
BIRD: Exactly. He was afraid of words. Couldn't face them. Suspected they would betray him in the end. As they always do. Fook it! It's so obvious, staring us all in the face.
BUFFALO: Wunderbar, Lucy. Now do you think we could get on to my problems now, ie my impending mental meltdown and relationship breakdown with the only gal I've ever loved?
BIRD: Words, Buff. Can't live together. Can't be apart. It's all there, you know. Always was. They want to play with us. But we don't know how. Any ideas?
BUFFALO: Is that the U of K NHS Direct Hospitalise Dangerous Elements Before They Hospitalise You? Yeah, I've got another customer. Should keep ya busy for a few decades. Name of Bird. No previous incendiaries. You better hurry. He's got an attack of the verbals and right now, nobody knows where it's going to lead. Thanking you, Nurse.
Lexiphilosofickleocological horrorshow at eleven. Arf, arf!