BARACK OBAMA REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE PRIZE AND INSTEAD GIVES IT TO THE BIRD & BUFFALO, FOR EXTRAORDINARY EFFORTS TO PROMOTE PEACE AND MUTUAL WARM GOAT SACKS IN FINLAND IN OUR LIFETIME.
IN AN ABORTED ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, DUE TO INTERNECINE FIGHTING, WOLVERINE INDIFFERENCES AND FERAL FESTERINGS, THE AULD BUFF SAID...
FINLAND, LAND OF THE FINN, THEY SAID YOU WERE FINNISHED, THEY SAID FINNS WEREN'T GOING SO GREAT, THEY SAID YOU COULD NO LONGER ENJOY THE FINNER THINGS IN LIFE, THEY SAID THE FINN STOPS HERE... NO, HERE! NO, HERE! OH, HERE THEN! THEY SAID HUCKLEBERRY FINN WAS NO FINN AT ALL. BUT AS THE OLD FINNISH SAYING GOES, TO CRACK A RABBIT YOU MUST FIRST GREASE THE PITCH FORK AND LOWER THE RUMP VERY GENTLY. FINN OF ME WHENEVER YOU'RE LONELY. HELL SINK YE NEVER! BURY YOUR IRREVERENCES AND PREPARE THE BOAT. THE RUDDER IS STIRRING, TOGETHER YOU CAN BE INFATUATED. LIVE O FINNICLE ONES! AND THRIVE IN YOUR FORESTS SO DARK! FLY! FLY! FLY... FINNAIR!!!
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