IN AN UNPRECEDENTED MOVE BY THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER WHEN IT COMES TO THE WRITTEN WURST...TURD, SORRY, WORD, THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE HAS ALMOST BEEN AWARDED TO THE BIRD & BUFFALO. HERE ARE THE REASONS WHY THE JUDGES CHANGED THEIR COLLECTIVE SPLIT MIND AT THE LAST MINUTE:
1. Judge Klaus Von Schtikiarschen had to declare a precarious connection to the auld Buff. Apparent Lee, he laid a certain Cindy Spreadumwider shortly after the auld Buff did. Buff's name was subsequently mentioned by the harlot to him as a possible future literary genius in a postcoital Scrabble game.
2. No-one with above average sized testicles has EVER been awarded this prize. The Bird & Buffalo BOTH have scientifically-verified larger than life balls.
3. The book submitted on behalf of the Bird & Buffalo by an anonymous admirer entitled FEK-U: THE COLLECTED WORKS OF BIRD & BUFFALO DURING THE SPLODGE WARS - 2001-PRESENT was considered to be so devoid of any real meaning - roughly 98.8888% blabbermouth trash and inventive obscenities - that it was deemed unfair to the other authors, who wrote 100% meaningful prose, and nay, a travesty of all the core values and underlying principles behind the Nobel Movement.
4. The judges didn't like the cover.
5. The one and only copy of the aforementioned book had to be shared by the judges and being badly bound was all but physically unreadable once it had been retrieved from the outside toilet in Budapest by the anonymous admirer.
6. It was getting late and Singalong-A-Beethoven was on TV.
7. The Prime Minister of Bouvet Island was insulted no less than five times, and I quote: "He is wanton." "That wanton man." "Wanton is he!" "Oh, so - wanton." "Wanton? He. Is?"
8. The aforementioned authors can't add up.
9. Persistent fart jokes about Sherlock Holmes are not funny.
10. We are all going to die.
SO WE SAY F-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-X!