Wednesday, March 07, 2007


SPARKY: He's on the cellphone. He's asking for ya, man.

BIRD: Thank you, God. Put him on.

BUFFALO: Meet me by the grave of Percy Longwater Gooding, by the light of the silvery moon.

BIRD: Dude?

BUFFALO: Why Percy Longwater Gooding? Because his bones are slight and the earth is soft.

BIRD: Are you OK?

BUFFALO: How we let the silence swallow us up. So little moves me any more. If only I had an extra pair of lungs.

BIRD: Just how much trank have you had, dude?

BUFFALO: I’ve kept this last piece specially for you. Sorry if I’m a little vague, but human contact was never my forte. Don't forget to water the balls, old chum. Cheerio, Lucy.

(cellphone cuts out)

BIRD: Sparky?


FIFI: Dotty?

DOTTY: Watson?

WATSON: Holmes?

HOLMES: Hm. One is reminded of The Notorious Case Of The Missing Gamete Of Bayswater, alas no longer in print, but if memory serves me right a most malicious toxic mixture of horse manure, pig's trotters' glue and Toblerone was injected into a passing coal man for a bet.

WATSON: Oh, good Lord, Holmes! That unfortunate creature went quite bonkers and after running the length and breadth of Westminster Bridge stark bollock - a-hm - naked plunged into the murky waters of the cavernous Thames never to be seen or heard of again. You don't think...

BIRD: You don't think... It's finally happened! He really has become as crazy as a shithouse rat! And all before we ever got to share that pint at the Dog & Duck. 'Tis a cruel fate that bares a false wind on the aft. Fare ye well, dear Buffters. Alas, I knew him not but his mark is undeliverable and writ large. It shall dwell in this here cyberspace FOREVER. Ah MEN!

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