GROVELLING APOLOGY, MR PITIFUL MOTOWN, JEREMY 5-MINUTE INTERVIEW

DUE TO LEGAL ISSUES, WE REGRET WE CANNOT YET BRING YOU THE BUFFALO'S 5-MINUTE... ER 60-SECOND INTERVIEW. INSTEAD, AT NO EXTRA COST, WE PRESENT TO YOU THE CONCLUDING PART OF JEREMY HOOPLA/HOOFER/HOFTA/WHATEVER YER REAL NAME IS'S ENTHRALLING SHORT STORY THE DIARY OF MR PITIFUL MOTOWN PLUS A 5-MINUTE INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR CONDUCTED AT VERY SHORT NOTICE BY GERRY ARSCHLICKER

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: Jeremy, welcome to the show, blog, whatever. Let's now hear the rip-roaring ending of your short story then talk afterwards.

JEREMY: Ja. And I read... "They went in car. Adam groped on the shoulder. Clara kissed on the cheek. "There terminates a straight designated course of rediscovery of your body after some time, you know?" He groped. "I leave more apple and brombeere, with Himbeeresorbet zerbroeckeln." Stan turned the key in the ignition. "Bite once, shy twice, Himmel." "Don't forget the geduenstetes chicken with Korianderroulade," she said, "you did not become." "Ooo, why you do this me?" he replied. "Probably?" she groped. Stan sat on seat belt. "I am over eight. Over. And good night."

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: What incredible writing, Jeremy. So incisive, economical... and plain.

JEREMY: Thanking you.

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: So, on to your first question: who are you?

JEREMY: Cyclops knows and he speaks not.

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: What do you write?

JEREMY: Of Henry Miller, of Vladimir Mayakovsky, of Montypythonschlange, and of Benny on the Hill.

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: Why do you write what you write?

JEREMY: To share what is the handful with the arm and much beyond.

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: Why should we read what you write?

JEREMY: To make laugh. Mark Twain say laughter is greatest weapon of humankind. But where the medicine is?

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: Is the world a better place because of what you write?

JEREMY: I agree. Where do I sign?

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: Last question.

JEREMY: Is not last question that?

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: No, we still have time. How much further can you go with your experiments into the English language before not a single word you write or say or think makes any sense at all?

JEREMY: I did not do it damage, which I wrote, although I probably did some things, for which I be hung should - however the day is young.

GERRY ARSCHLICKER: Jerry Helfenflipper, or whatever your name is, it's been a pleasure.

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