SQUIDGIES GALORE, OOPS ARMAGEDDON

BUFFALO: It's the impending Armageddon thing, dude.

Shit hitting fans from every direction,
One week away from the telltale election
Newscasts interfering with a decent erection
Holding Seppeku knife, contemplating vivisection.

POTTY DOTTY: I want more!

BUFFALO: Hey, Potty Dotty. Long time no see.

POTTY DOTTY: Went to Brighton for a while, to sort my head out. I became surrounded, if you will, by sensations. Didn't know where to turn. Spun a little. Then woke up in a Sainsbury's trolley on the pier with my knickers over my ears. With the Squidgies in tow.

BUFFALO: Sorry to hear that.

POTTY DOTTY: And with a thirst for blutwurst.

BUFFALO: Oh, baby!

POTTY DOTTY: And movies in May.

BUFFALO: Huh?

POTTY DOTTY: You can tell Sparky I'm ready for him now. This time his duvet and Toe Jam WON'T save him. Ta-ra.

BUFFALO: Dotty? Dotty? Where'd she go?

BIRD: Dude?

BUFFALO: Birdy? Squidgie update?

BIRD: Steady, Roy, steady. But ne'er mind that, Reggie. Ready for more The Diary of Mr Pitiful Motown?

BUFFALO: You betcha!

BIRD: This bit's a corker, dude. Zip up and get ready for the ride: "I can finish here a recluse with a soaked brain to receive my telephone numbers. They know this one bumsen.. I will go impact on his ass. The true problem is I write with nothing to insert. And nevertheless, it is my exit. Sadly, in this moment my life of Scheisse is complete. Time for another drink. A better life by chemistry. Anyhow, to grip to feel you in the Octo. Return me this donkey."

BUFFALO: (weeps) I can't... Pliz, Lucy...

BIRD: Gee, sorry, dude. Didn't mean to upset ya.

(BUFFALO wails like last ever Dodo facing extinction)

BIRD: (sings) The holly and the ivy... Film at eleven.