I'm high on the hog
The hog likes me
And I like he
Over here little hog
Come hog me
Gently
BIRD: Bootiful, Fifi. Woolly bootiful.
BUFFALO: Yup. Sorry, gotta run. Laters.
BIRD: The grimulations of an active bowel.
BUFFALO: In the one eyed land of the king the constipated is unshaven, or sumfink like that.
BIRD: Been in the raspberry dip again, I see.
BUFFALO: An active behind leads to active mind.
BIRD: Can't argue with that. But where have all the good times gone?
BUFFALO: It's coming, dude. Tally-ho, Mr Toe.
BIRD: Jam at eleven.
BUFFALO: Arf, arf!
Showing posts with label Britney Spears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Britney Spears. Show all posts
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
OF REAL MEN & QUICHE
BUFFALO: Never take a 54 mg time release Ritalin capsule at 3 in the afternoon, even if you ARE falling asleep at the wheel on I-94 driving to Detroit Metro Airport. You'd be better off to take the first exit, find a Starbuck's, and drink an entire pot of coffee so heavily caffeinated that it would bring Lazarus back to life. The caffeine will wear off in four or five hours but Ritalin is for-fooking-ever, sports fans. Nine hours and 21 minutes and I'm still totally stoked, and tempted to drive north all night to the bloody bridge just to see the sun rise behind the Grand Hotel on the off chance that Britney Spears might be there in a sheer negligee listening to variations on a theme by Paganini on a goddamned music box. What the HELL was I thinking?
BIRD: And you say that was the last you heard of him, Sparky?
SPARKY: That was the last telephone conversation we had, man.
BIRD: And that was 11 hours ago, and he never made it to the airport?
SPARKY: Exactamundo, man. That is way not groovy.
BIRD: And he didn't mention anything unusual before he left the Carfax Arms?
SPARKY: Nope. Only that "real men don't kill women, but I bet they eat quiche".
BIRD: Omigod!
SPARKY: It's the trank talking, man. It don't mean zebrashit.
BIRD: No, Sparky, you don't understand, the auld Buff LOVES quiche. Try him on his cellphone again. If you get thru, tell him... tell him... I was wrong, it was Jenny Agutter in Logan's Run, not Jane Seymour. The daft bugger hates to lose.
SPARKY: Come again, man?
BIRD: Just tell him. Lazarus, Britney, Paganini... The unholy trinity. Jeez, I hope we're not too late...
BIRD: And you say that was the last you heard of him, Sparky?
SPARKY: That was the last telephone conversation we had, man.
BIRD: And that was 11 hours ago, and he never made it to the airport?
SPARKY: Exactamundo, man. That is way not groovy.
BIRD: And he didn't mention anything unusual before he left the Carfax Arms?
SPARKY: Nope. Only that "real men don't kill women, but I bet they eat quiche".
BIRD: Omigod!
SPARKY: It's the trank talking, man. It don't mean zebrashit.
BIRD: No, Sparky, you don't understand, the auld Buff LOVES quiche. Try him on his cellphone again. If you get thru, tell him... tell him... I was wrong, it was Jenny Agutter in Logan's Run, not Jane Seymour. The daft bugger hates to lose.
SPARKY: Come again, man?
BIRD: Just tell him. Lazarus, Britney, Paganini... The unholy trinity. Jeez, I hope we're not too late...
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
ANTONELLA BARBA DOWN DEEP & DARTY ON DA YOUTUBE
BUFFALO: Antonella who? Did wot?
BIRD: Antonella Barba. American Idol, dude. She's gonna win it, Apparent Lee, by a head. Her vid is doin' a gagging trade on da YouTube, like.
BUFFALO: Wot vid? Xplain, pliz, Lucy.
BIRD: It's incredible. Pushing the boundaries. Breaking new ground.
BUFFALO: Holy salivations! Wot in Theodore Digitalis's name is she doin' innit?
BIRD: Gardening, dude. Getting down deep and darty.
BUFFALO: Wot, with a trowel and shrubs 'n' stuff?
BIRD: Yahhh-p. The way she strokes that hoe - it's electrifying!
BUFFALO: Omigod! I'm gettin' that Olivia Newton-John Grease moment all over again. Just wot exactly is she doin' wid dat hoe, dude?
BIRD: Cutting the border on the lawn.
BUFFALO: No! Ohhh...
BIRD: Yes. And you know wot she does next?
BUFFALO: Don't tell me, lemme guess. Cuts the lawn?
BIRD: Yahhp! Slowly, methodically, like a real pro. Wiping her hot, sweaty face and brow as she goes.
BUFFALO: Oh Merciful Marigolds! Is she wearin' a hat?
BIRD: Yahhp.
BUFFALO: A baseball hat?
BIRD: Yahhp.
BUFFALO: A New York Yankees' baseball hat?
BIRD: Yahhp.
BUFFALO: Ohhhh... And the vid's on YouTube, you say?
BIRD: Was.
BUFFALO: Was?!
BIRD: It was voluntarily pulled - too many elderly male gardeners were having seizures, like.
BUFFALO: But of course.
BIRD: But the good news is...
BUFFALO: Go on.
BIRD: You can still see the full 15-minute unedited feast of horticultural celebration at http://www.sexygardening4beginners.com/.
BUFFALO: Wow. Clicking as we speak.
BIRD: I tell ya, dude, when she pops that wet grass onto the compost heap down by the potting shed and starts cleaning her tools...
BUFFALO: Dude, dude, don't spoil it! Ohhh, yeah... there she goes to the shed. She's getting the lawn mower out... Oh, Antonella, you darty gal...
BIRD: Film at eleven?
BUFFALO: Watering at twelve! Arf, arf!
BIRD: Antonella Barba. American Idol, dude. She's gonna win it, Apparent Lee, by a head. Her vid is doin' a gagging trade on da YouTube, like.
BUFFALO: Wot vid? Xplain, pliz, Lucy.
BIRD: It's incredible. Pushing the boundaries. Breaking new ground.
BUFFALO: Holy salivations! Wot in Theodore Digitalis's name is she doin' innit?
BIRD: Gardening, dude. Getting down deep and darty.
BUFFALO: Wot, with a trowel and shrubs 'n' stuff?
BIRD: Yahhh-p. The way she strokes that hoe - it's electrifying!
BUFFALO: Omigod! I'm gettin' that Olivia Newton-John Grease moment all over again. Just wot exactly is she doin' wid dat hoe, dude?
BIRD: Cutting the border on the lawn.
BUFFALO: No! Ohhh...
BIRD: Yes. And you know wot she does next?
BUFFALO: Don't tell me, lemme guess. Cuts the lawn?
BIRD: Yahhp! Slowly, methodically, like a real pro. Wiping her hot, sweaty face and brow as she goes.
BUFFALO: Oh Merciful Marigolds! Is she wearin' a hat?
BIRD: Yahhp.
BUFFALO: A baseball hat?
BIRD: Yahhp.
BUFFALO: A New York Yankees' baseball hat?
BIRD: Yahhp.
BUFFALO: Ohhhh... And the vid's on YouTube, you say?
BIRD: Was.
BUFFALO: Was?!
BIRD: It was voluntarily pulled - too many elderly male gardeners were having seizures, like.
BUFFALO: But of course.
BIRD: But the good news is...
BUFFALO: Go on.
BIRD: You can still see the full 15-minute unedited feast of horticultural celebration at http://www.sexygardening4beginners.com/.
BUFFALO: Wow. Clicking as we speak.
BIRD: I tell ya, dude, when she pops that wet grass onto the compost heap down by the potting shed and starts cleaning her tools...
BUFFALO: Dude, dude, don't spoil it! Ohhh, yeah... there she goes to the shed. She's getting the lawn mower out... Oh, Antonella, you darty gal...
BIRD: Film at eleven?
BUFFALO: Watering at twelve! Arf, arf!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
ALL OUR SOMETHINGS
BIRD: Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could. But somewhere...
FIFI: ...all the somethings you ever dreamed about are waiting--to get you!!!
BIRD: Yikes!
FIFI: ...all the somethings you ever dreamed about are waiting--to get you!!!
BIRD: Yikes!
Monday, February 26, 2007
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO...
BIRD: Britney Sp... HELEN MIRREN! Yay!
BUFFALO: Woo!
BIRD: Yippee!
BUFFALO: Foo-dook-a-rooooo!
BIRD: Ger-fum-a-ummm!
BUFFALO: Per-too-a-shooooo!
BIRD: (sighs deeply)
BUFFALO: (sighs deeply)
BIRD: Our Hels!
BUFFALO: Your Hels!
BIRD: The Long Good Friday, Piscali's Island...
BUFFALO: The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover, The Madness Of King George...
BIRD: Last Orders, Gosford Park...
BUFFALO: Calendar Girls...
BIRD: And The Queen!
BUFFALO: Mah-vellous!
BIRD: Spiffing! Birth name Ilyena Vasilievna Mironov.
BUFFALO: 5ft 4 inches tall. Nickname Popper.
BIRD: Made a dame in 2003.
BUFFALO: 36-25-36...
BIRD: (sighs deeply)
BUFFALO: (sighs deeply)
BIRD: Sayonara, Britney?
BUFFALO: Do one, Spears!
BIRD: Helen at eleven!
BUFFALO: Ahhhhhf, ahhhhhf!
BUFFALO: Woo!
BIRD: Yippee!
BUFFALO: Foo-dook-a-rooooo!
BIRD: Ger-fum-a-ummm!
BUFFALO: Per-too-a-shooooo!
BIRD: (sighs deeply)
BUFFALO: (sighs deeply)
BIRD: Our Hels!
BUFFALO: Your Hels!
BIRD: The Long Good Friday, Piscali's Island...
BUFFALO: The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover, The Madness Of King George...
BIRD: Last Orders, Gosford Park...
BUFFALO: Calendar Girls...
BIRD: And The Queen!
BUFFALO: Mah-vellous!
BIRD: Spiffing! Birth name Ilyena Vasilievna Mironov.
BUFFALO: 5ft 4 inches tall. Nickname Popper.
BIRD: Made a dame in 2003.
BUFFALO: 36-25-36...
BIRD: (sighs deeply)
BUFFALO: (sighs deeply)
BIRD: Sayonara, Britney?
BUFFALO: Do one, Spears!
BIRD: Helen at eleven!
BUFFALO: Ahhhhhf, ahhhhhf!
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