SAVE PARIS HILTON NOW!

WE, THE UNDECIDED, BELIEVE THAT RICH BITCH PARIS HILTON SHOULD BE SAVED NOW, BECAUSE SHE IS A HUMAN BEING AND UM, ER, WELL, SHE'S A FAKE BLONDE, BUT WE WON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HER, AND UM, SHE HAS THE CHARM AND CHARISMA OF A FLATULENT GIANT SLUG DROWNING IN ITS OWN SLIME, BUT WE WON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HER, AND BECAUSE SHE HAS DEVOTED THOUSANDS OF HOURS OF PRECIOUS TV AIR TIME TO HER SELF-CENTRED, DUMB JOURNEY OF INCONSEQUENTIAL SEX AND PRECIOUS LITTLE ROCK AND ROLL, BUT WE WON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HER, AND BECAUSE SHE HAS CONSISTENTLY FAILED TO ENTERTAIN OR INSPIRE ANY OTHER LIVING BEING ON THIS PLANET WITH HER PRANCING AROUND THE WORLD WITH NO PANTIES ON AND TRYING TO SING LIKE BRITNEY, BUT WE WON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HER, AND BECAUSE SHE HAS SQUANDERED MILLIONS OF POUNDS ON USELESS ITEMS OF JEWELLERY AND CLOTHES AND FAILED BEAUTY TREATMENTS AND BRAINLESS ANTICS INVOLVING LOTS OF BOOZE AND IDIOTIC YOUNG MALES WHOSE WANGERS ARE MIGHTIER THAN THEIR SENSE, BUT WE WON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HER, AND BECAUSE, AND LET THIS BE FINALLY, SINCE WE ALL HAVE A LIMITED TIME SPAN AND INDEED A LIMITED TIME TO SPAN, AND FINALLY BECAUSE SHE HAS FAILED TO ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN HER LIFE OR MANAGED TO HELP ANYONE ELSE ACHIEVE ANYTHING IN THEIR LIVES, BUT WE WON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST HER. WELL, ACTUALLY, LET'S NOT SAVE HER AT ALL. LET'S IGNORE HER, LET'S ALL COME OUT EN MASS AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT WITH A CANDLE AND SHOUT AT THE TOP OF OUR VOICES "I WAS WRONG. I AM ASHAMED THAT I EVER SHOWED AN INTEREST IN THIS TALANTLESS TART. I PROMISE I WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN. WITHOUT ME, SHE IS NOTHING. INDEED, WITH ME SHE IS NOTHING. PARIS PATHETIC HILTON, WE HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH. GOOD RIDDANCE!

THIS WAS A PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST ON BEHALF OF THE MAKE NON-ENTITIES HISTORY CAMPAIGN. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WE ARE COMING TO GET YOU. NO, REALLY.