A HUFFING & A PUFFING

BIRD: Nothing yet, dude.

BUFFALO: Did ya tell him you miss him?

BIRD: Natch.

BUFFALO: Did ya tell him you love him?

BIRD: Of course.

BUFFALO: Did ya tell him he means more to you than anybody else in the whole wide whirled?

BIRD: Dude, you know I couldn't say that. You know how I feel about you.

BUFFALO: Chokin' up here, dude.

BIRD: Me too.

BUFFALO: Restrain, retrain, move it along.

BIRD: You bet.

BUFFALO: Anyhoo, I was gonna ask you about the Potty Dotty project.

BIRD: You want her back.

BUFFALO: Since we're talking about missing people, uh, yeah.

BIRD: But you called her some pretty gross things, dude.

BUFFALO: And I was sober, K?

BIRD: Nawty.

BUFFALO: And I apologised. Even sent her a signed copy of my autotryography.

BIRD: Wot the hanging Freddy of Helikarnassarse is an autotryography?

BUFFALO: It's an attempt at a life. Rimshot!

BIRD: Da da da da da.... da da! And for my next trick.

BUFFALO: It was mostly illustrations, like. And captions. A compulsive read by any undermined standards.

BIRD: And did she comment on it?

BUFFALO: She said I showed great potential but needed to stop ending every sentence with a semi colon.

BIRD: Howzat;

BUFFALO: It was like Proust, dude. I filled page upon page of semi colons and paragraphs without end.

BIRD: Jeez! I thought you only did that in your emails.

BUFFALO: I DO that, dude, when I'm inspired. And the thought of Potty Dotty curled up in her boudoir in her see-through milky negligee, well...

BIRD: You darty auld Buff. She's spoken for. Got some guy off the Kent Road with a 4x4 and a patio.

BUFFALO: Dammit. And I thought after I sent her that piccie of me in my best sailor's uniform that she was mine for the taking.

BIRD: Dude, if you sent her that she's probably more confused than ever. That piccie is SO totally gay.

BUFFALO: You think so? I thought it brought out the Captain Nemo in me.

BIRD: More like the Liberace.

BUFFALO: Who was a great performer, by da way.

BIRD: But not Potty Dotty's type. And definitely no Bruce Springsteen.

BUFFALO: She likes our Bruce?

BIRD: Amongst udders.

BUFFALO: Born in da U-S-A...

BIRD: Hey, not bad. Next...

BUFFALO: Dude, I think I'm falling for her. Can't you at least ring her?

BIRD: Well, I could if she stayed still long enuff.

BOTH: Rimshot!

BIRD: But seriously, I'll see what I can do.

BUFFALO: Thanks, dude.

BIRD: Don't mention it. Incidentally, Cindy, I got an email from an old mate I hadn't heard from for 15 years. Name of Geoff.

BUFFALO: Dat's nice. What did ya say?

BIRD: That I was sorry I stole his girlfriend and I was now willing to hand her back.

BOTH: Rimshot!

BIRD: But seriously...

BUFFALO: You didn't reply, did ya?

BIRD: Nope.

BUFFALO: Cuz friendships is fraught with bubble and strife innit.

BIRD: Exactamundo, Buffters. Maybe it's better to let sleeping logs die after all.

BUFFALO: Less pain, less strain.

BIRD: And if Smudger don't want me, I don't want him.

BUFFALO: Dat's da spirit!

BIRD: And what's more, I don't need no Smudger when I got you.

BUFFALO: Rollin' rollin' rollin' Rawhide!

BIRD: Together we shall conquer. Together we are strong.

BUFFALO: All for one, and one for all!

BIRD: Friends ReUnited NOT at eleven!

BUFFALO: Arf, arf!

BTW SINCE THIS HUFF & PUFF, SMUDGER STILL HAS NOT CONTACTED DA BIRD. IF YOU KNOW OF SMUDGER'S WHEREABOUTS OR KNOW OF ANYONE WHO MIGHT KNOW OF SOMEONE WHO KNOWS OF SMUDGER'S WHEREABOUTS, PLEASE EMAIL US AT birdandbuffalo@hotmail.com

AS THE GREAT WILLIAM BLAKE ONCE SAID, IT IS EASIER TO FORGIVE AN ENEMA THAN TO FORGIVE A FRIEND, OR SUMFINK LIKE THAT. GUARD 'EM WELL.