MEET ME LITTER RARE E AGENT - MR I CHING

BIRD: Strap yourself in, dude, and listen in to me chewin' da breeze wid mah homey litter rare E agent, like.

BUFFALO: Dude, wot the fook are you talking about?!

BIRD: You, me, the universe and uddery. We got an agent, innit. After all these years of obscurantory.

BUFFALO: Woo-hoo! Nice! What'shisname?

BIRD: Mr I Ching. Dunno wot the I stands for, but dude, we're in! Pour yerself a strong one, lean back and listen to the chat we had but one hour ago.

BUFFALO: Cracking open a bottle of Muscatel as I lower myself into the recliner...

BIRD: Here goes!

Um, er, is that Mr Ching?

I CHING: Ask I Ching.

BIRD: Mr I Ching. Excellent. I've been trying to reach you for some time.

I CHING: Perseverance furthers.

BIRD: Sure does. Da auld Buff and I have been looking for an agent to publish our book, Tails From The Bird And Buffalo: The Walrus Years, like.

I CHING: If someone is not as he should be, He has misfortune, And it does not further him, To undertake anything.

BIRD: Well, yeah, I used to think that but now I've finally got through to you, hopefully, all that is about to change.

I CHING: Under heaven thunder rolls, All things attain the natural state of innocence.

BIRD: My thoughts entirely. So you're happy to represent us?

I CHING: The great departs; the small approaches.

BIRD: Absolutely. I can't tell you how excited we are about this.

I CHING: The superior man falls back upon his inner worth, In order to escape the difficulties.

BIRD: Oh, wow! Hey, could you hang on? I need to grab a pen. Just to jot down the basic elements of the contract, like.

I CHING: He does not permit himself to be honoured with revenue.

BIRD: Yes, well... So you think you can place our book?

I CHING: The superior man keeps the inferior man at a distance, Not angrily but with reserve.

BIRD: A-ha. So how long do we have to wait before we hear something?

I CHING: In the midst of the greatest obstructions, Friends come.

BIRD: So, what are we talking, a few weeks?

I CHING: Joy comes softly, It furthers one to make offerings and libations.

BIRD: Brill! So I'll be waiting for your call. An email even.

I CHING: The light has sunk into the earth, The image of Darkening of the Light, He veils his light, yet still shines.

BIRD: Right O! It's been a pleasure talking to you, Mr Ching. Um, just curious. What does the I stand for?

I CHING: The Clinging, The Arousing.

BIRD: I see. Waiting for your call.

I CHING: Above the arousing, Below the Abysmal.

BIRD: Bye then.

I CHING: Oppression. Success. Perseverance.

BIRD: Right back at ya!

*****

BUFFALO: Wow! This I Ching dude is well cool. Well done, Birdy. You have done well.

BIRD: Tanks, Buff. Onwards and upwards.

BUFFALO: Success on a plate.

BIRD: Gotta run. The Orifice beckons.

BUFFALO: Watch out for low flying.

BIRD: Film at eleven.

BUFFALO: Arf, arf!