BUFFALO: U der?
BIRD: Yep. Frazzled.
BUFFALO: Watching a brillo movie on TCM - old Brit flic with Michael Redgrave set in a boys’ prep school. Worn out from the shoot yesterday.
BIRD: Creative worn out is da best. Mine is just stuck at the Bore Fest worn out.
BUFFALO: Well, shit...
BIRD: On a stick. How much footage did you get?
BUFFALO: Me and Ken got blitzed after the shoot, was tripping, like. It was good though.
BIRD: Fookin’ fairies.
BUFFALO: Huh?
BIRD: You being spaced out, off with the fairies, innit.
BUFFALO: Ah. Got hours of footage, four cameras.
BIRD: You’ll have fun putting that together.
BUFFALO: Caught hell from Osbee…
BIRD: Oh?
BUFFALO: Missed her dad’s birthday party.
BIRD: Shite.
BUFFALO: 85, like.
BIRD: Dude, she’s gonna kill ya.
BUFFALO: But she didn’t tell me about the party!
BIRD: Well, that’s different.
BUFFALO: She gets worse by the day. She's trying to kill me, dude. Just like the gal in the movie is out to kill her husband.
BIRD: What’s the latest with Pammy?
BUFFALO: Been avoiding her like the plague. She has a boyfriend.
BIRD: Bummer. Nay fair.
BUFFALO: And I noticed something that kinda spooked me.
BIRD: Oh?
BUFFALO: She had a cold sore on her lip... and I'm thinking HERPES.
BIRD: You didn’t snog her, didya?
BUFFALO: Feck, no! NO…
BIRD: Knobbed her?
BUFFALO: NO.
BIRD: HERPES is my least favourite god.
BUFFALO: Do you know the difference…
BIRD: Nope.
BUFFALO: Between love and HERPES?
BIRD: Nope.
BUFFALO: HERPES is FOREVER.
BIRD: Ah, yes. No cure?
BUFFALO: Nope. This is a great fookin’ movie. It has adultery for one thing, with a seriously hot bitch, tho she really IS a bitch. I have to go drop a load on the toad now, dude. Those beans went right through me.
BIRD: Fair nuff. And I need a slash. And maybe some food.
BUFFALO: A slash?
BIRD: Piss.
BUFFALO: Gotta go.
BIRD: Enjoy.
BUFFALO: Hope I’m not conster-pated. That sucks. Right, got a turtle poking his head out, dude. Which rewinds me, some fookwit was supposed to call me today for an online training session.
BIRD: Oh, yeah?
BUFFALO: Hang on, that’s him now.
(PAUSE)
BUFFALO: He had a family emergency, was at the horse pistol. He’s gonna call back at six. Breaking Bad tonight, dude.... Gonna get high for that, have to smoke up me weed cuz after the 19th I can’t smoke for a year… condition of the oral surgery. So it’s gonna be brownies for me after the 19th. So I’m staying ripped until the weed runs out or I croak. Nap time. Maybe flog der weasel first, like.
BIRD: Later, dude.
BUFFALO: Arf, arf!
